7:20am Monmouth, OR

This is the chair I relegated to the "balcony" because it had wet vomit on it when I checked in.

(Music up: "My Favorite Things")

Burns on the rug
And cumstains on the blanket.
Really big cumstains
Like 12 guys had wanked it.
No fitted sheets, so they won't stay tucked in,
That's what you get at the Courtesy Inn.

A Rorschach mattress,
What shape is that stain in?
Holes in the windows in case it is raining,
Shit in the shower and puke on the chairs,
Use Courtesy Inn for your lowbrow affairs!

Put some blues on,
Keep your shoes on,
Better just stay dressed.
It's only two days to not shower or change,
The client will be-e-e impressed!

This is the worst hotel I have ever stayed at.

-SF